Reason, Season, Lifetime

I'm new to this blog thing, and yes I'm old school in so many ways.... I hate online dating, but yet I've done it.  I've met some men that way that turned into a relationship-two of them I remember for about a year each.  They both ended on not bad terms-that meaning that we would still talk once in a while.  However even though both wanted to date again, I realized we were apart for a reason, and it was best to just stay friends and move on.  And really I was still looking for the ONE... aren't we all?  As you get older, you think back on those men you dated, and why in hell did you walk away from the good ones ?  Yes, I had one that was amazing to me, and no it was not an online meeting.  It was fate you might say.  I went to a bar with a girlfriend, after recently breaking it off with another man that I had met in a bar... remember before online dating, this is how we used to meet people?  Single people would go to a bar, usually one with music, usually with a friend... to check out who was out there?  Being someone who loved to dance-thanks Mom for all those classes when I was a kid, made me love it.  Music played, and I moved.  Many men told me I could dance, and they seemed to like that... huh, then why are they so many men that don't dance?  Usually they had to have a few drinks to get on the floor and shake their groove thing....lol.... well, I didn't need the drinks, I sometimes didn't care who was watching, I just was out to have fun!  That's the mindset we all need.  Just do it!  Enjoy life!  If you like to dance,  make the most of it.  Grab someone if you are brave enough and go.  Some men are not made that way, they hold back and don't ask.  Not just in dancing, but in dating.... they want to do it but they can't seem to ask.... what the hell?  So in this new modern age, do we ask ?  Like I said I'm still old fashioned and believe it should be the man who asks.... now back to my story of how I met this amazing man... I was at a bar, with a girlfriend, just wanted to have fun.  There was a very cute, tall man at this bar.  The dance floor in this place was huge.  Some how our eyes met and it was like wow.... he came up to me and introduced himself.    He had beautiful blue eyes, and I thought oh crap, he's got me..... I always look at eyes first and everything else later.  My grandma used to say "windows to your soul".  I'm a big soul person, and his eyes told me he was a good guy.  From his handshake which was firm, and welcoming,  I thought he must be in business.  But he didn't look like that type-he had on clothes which made him look kind of rugged, not preppy.  You know not the suit and tie type.  I'm usually not drawn to those, but more of the construction worker type.... my joke to my girlfriends has always been work boots and shorts.... and I'm in love.... ha, ha.... but seriously yes I seem to gravitate towards those men.  Construction workers, roofers, electricians, painters, you know the ones that get their hands dirty.  Never went for those men that got manicures!  I know I probably missed out on some good guys because of this.  Just never really went for them.  So,  regarding Mr. Blue eyes we talked, and talked.  The bar was closing and we wanted to continue talking, so he invited me to breakfast.  My friend had drove so I told her I was going to go with him.  You know as of right now I can't remember what friend I was with, funny, I usually have a very good mind, but all I could think of was him.  Ok, so I am not saying to take off with a man you don't know, and go to breakfast, ride in his car etc... this was years ago.  Not saying that there weren't crazy men out there.  Think the year was around 1997.   This was a thing a lot of people did went to breakfast, and then slept together... however, I did NOT sleep with him that night... that would happen later.  We went to breakfast at a 24 hour truck stop which had very good food-I'm a cook, so I know good food... no I don't remember we we ate.  But we had coffee, and he loved coffee, just like I did.    Found out the way he was there that night, he went with his cousin for something to do.  He had been in a relationship a year or so before, and his girlfriend was a big drinker, and she was visiting family, and drank too much and had a heart attack, in her 40's!  Her name was also Debi, but she didn't spell it the way I did.  Later I would come to know that we did look something a like, and wore the same nail polish color.  We were both blondes, my eyes are green, but think he said hers were blue.  So he was not a drinker,  but his cousin pushed him to go out that night to a bar with him.  He was such a kind hearted man, divorced with one teenage son, who he shared custody of.  He was also a vegetarian, which I tried when I was in high school, but realized I want a steak or burger now and then.  That wasn't a deal breaker.  We just met, in a bar, just because he had great eyes and hands didn't mean we were going to fall in love.... right ?   We did go back to his house that night.  We talked all night, remember we had coffee and not decaf!  We sat outside on his deck and watched the sun rise together, he held me in his arms.  He was 6 ft 2, yes, I also like tall men.  He made me forget for a few hours that anyone else existed but him and I.  As I write this, I can feel it all over again, and I am so angry at myself for ever walking away.  This man was amazing, he had a small construction company that was doing well.  He was remodeling his grandmother's old house that he was living in.  He had made an apartment downstairs, so he was a landlord, and he owned other properties in the city.  He was a simple man,  had a garden, and wanted me to be a part of his world.  He thought I was beautiful, and smart.  He told me that all the time.   We all need to be told this!!!!!    We all need a man who appreciates our mind as well as our outside beauty.   Later you will learn that the first man I married never ever made me feel this way.  In some ways I felt I didn't deserve to have a man like Mr Blue eyes.  That was from years of someone tearing me down and destroying my self esteem.  I went through years of counseling to feel better about myself, but yet the self doubt was rearing it's ugly head again.  Seemed to happen every time I met someone.  I had to believe in myself again!  This man was surely God sent he wasn't a drinker, yet he was in that bar that night.  No matter what man I meet, I would like them to believe in God, they don't have to go to church, but they have to believe.  That is very important to me.  I am a Christian, and no I'm not perfect and I've been a sinner, and still am, but I know that God loves me, and he does grant me grace.  Of course the trick is to stop sinning, but we are also human, and it is in our nature.  We learn and grow in time.  Blue eyes believed in God.  He believed we were brought together for a reason also.  Did you ever hear the saying " Reason, Season, Lifetime"?    It's a famous poem by an anonymous writer who explains different people come into our lives for different purposes.  We meet people in our lives and we don't know how long they will be there for us.  I've found it to be true in my own life, when I refer to this.  I think you can find it inspiring because it means that even though someone has left our life, it can have a positive influence in our lives and not one that is only negative.  Here is the poem,  think about it....  

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.  They may seem like a Godsend, and they are.  they are there for the reason you need them to be.  
then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.  

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.  They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  they usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it.  It is real.  but only for a season.  

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.  

Author Unknown...   Google this poem and read more into it.  

I have always referred back to this, when relationships did not work out.  I have to say that I have learned something through every relationship I have been in.  I have learned a lot about myself as well.  This poem makes sense to me, I hope it does to you.  I want my blog to be my story, but I want you as the reader to get something out of it.  We are all here on this earth to help each other in one way or another.  Relationships are tough, all of them, it's sometimes difficult to let down your walls and let someone else into your world.  None of us want to be judged, we all want to be liked.  But guess what?  That doesn't always happen.  Believe though, there are still good people in the world, that want to get to know you, and possibly love you.  We have to be open to that if that is what we want.     If you choose to be alone, that is OK.  Some people have been married or in relationships, and as they get older, they decide that maybe they don't want to share their life in that way again.  They have all they need to be happy.  Sometimes I question this myself.  I am not unhappy.  I have my hone, my health, a somewhat job, income, wonderful kids and grand kids who bring me joy, and sometimes drama, but hey that's life.... and the friends I have I am so grateful for them.  The ones that have encouraged me through some of the rough times, and never gave up on me, as I try to do for them.  True friendships make life worth living, never take them for granted.  I've come to the conclusion though, that I don't want to be alone, not now.  I am not sure I want marriage, but I do want a partner, who I can depend on for everything.  Someone to share life with, through all of it, the good, the bad and the UGLY.... God really doesn't want us alone.  However, I believe we have times that we are alone, for a reason.  We all need quiet time to think about what is important to us, and where do we go from here.  This I have also learned in the last couple of years, that no matter what I was going through, God was right there with me.  Even though I went through losing a family member to cancer, a relationship that I thought was going to work out, a job loss after many years, health issues,feeling worthless and depressed, God was still there, I just had to reach out.  It's easy to feel down about when things aren't going your way, it's normal.  But don't stay there!  Look up!  Be thankful for what you have not what you don't!   

Mr. Blue eyes was a wonderful man, good father, hard worker, kind, understanding, loving.  I spent 3 months getting to know him, falling in love with him.  Those rough hands touching me.  And I left him.  Heartbroken.  I didn't realize until much later what a mistake I made.     Remember when I said I was at the bar that night because of a recent break up?  Well,  that man still loved me very much, and I thought at the time, that I still loved him too.    Can you love two people at the same time, I thought so.  But something was telling me, even though life with this man was going well, and could be wonderful, I needed to go back to the other man, just because.     I had no idea it would put me in another world with so much grief.   I still to this day think of him,  and how my life would of been.  Part of me still loves him.  He did reach out to me, many times within the next few years.  He still wanted me.  He told me that he had planned to ask me to marry him at that stupid bar we met at.  That he was buying the ring, and stand in front of people and ask me.  That broke my heart.  I really should of given him that opportunity, and I would not be where I am today.          

So where do I go from here....