What Is my Plan for the New Year ???

                              

DO I NEED A VACATION ????

Well here I am finally writing after a few months.  Again, life gets busy.  The only time I really have to write is weekends, if I don't fill my day with all the things I need to do in and now outside in the yard.  Living alone has it's benefits, and then somedays it doesn't.  It's just Me, to do everything.  Sometimes it can be overwhelming.  Financially, and physically.  

I had to pay to repair my roof last summer.  I broke a window months ago, and now will have to pay to repair that.  I am going to check into how much it will be to replace 2 windows.  I had problems with my well pump for months before and after the holidays.  Luckily I have a friend who knows how to take care of this issue.  It ended up that the pump he just replaced 7 years ago, wasn't working.  Not his fault, he kept trying to keep it going.  The bad thing is so many of the things we purchase now a days, are made in China, and don't last as long as the made in America did.  Throw away society we live in.  

I am trying to stay positive.  I didn't do much all winter.  I really don't like the cold much anymore.  I used to be the up north girl that didn't mind the cold.  Aging sure changes things.  Many nights with the cat and reruns of Desperate Housewives.    What happened to me??? 

 I met the guy I had been talking to by text and phone, for 3 months.  I don't think I was what he was looking for.  He said when I met him at the restaurant, Wow you really are pretty.... a lot of our date was the waitress talking to us about her boyfriends bands that he was in.  It was my mistake I should of never chatted with her.  She remembered me from being out to dinner with my up north Scott last summer.  They talked music too.  Well this guy loves music, and plays guitar.  But I don't think that had much to do with Us.  I think I just wasn't what he wanted.  Physically I think I was heavier than what he was looking for.  Even though I had told him I was a size 10, had 4 kids, and some health issues.  I try to still take care of myself.  I'm not sure what happened.  But he kind of stepped away.  He Told me the distance was a thing, and he was going to be busier with his life, didn't have time for a relationship.  WTH. He also told me it wasn't me, I was awesome.  ???? He did have some emotional baggage, and a strong attachment to his grown daughter who relied on him for everything.  I had been through that before.... with Rich, the fiancee I broke it off with.  So as my friend Beth said I dodged a bullet.  

I am not going to lie, I felt like what is wrong with ME ???  That was weeks ago.  I've been a little out of sorts since.  A couple of months ago, I noticed some issues that I have.  I'm not going to get into it, right now.  But it had to do with my appearance.  I am praying to God that this will change.    

I got more work in the past couple of months, which is good.  I have had a few extra side gigs too, that helped pay bills.  Still praying on that, could use more.  

I don't know what I am going through.  Part of me wants a relationship, and then I think again.  I am so tired of the drama, and the expectations.  Like I've said I wish I could just find the man who understands.  There are so many damaged men out there.  I'm sure there are women as well.  I'm one of them.  I'm a survivor of sexual abuse,  and domestic abuse.  I do feel though that I have tried to give a chance to any man I became involved with.  Too many though have let me down in one way or another.  I think I am tired of trying.  

I finally met my old coworker Dan for dinner.  It went well.  He kissed me like crazy at the end of the date, and yes wants to get together again.  To me he just seems to want sex.  He is now 60.  I don't just want to jump in bed, without the relationship.  Not sure really if him and I have that much in common.  

I ask myself if I am being too picky.  I don't think I am.  I know I have to have physical attraction.  The chemistry is important, not only physical, but emotional, and intellectual.  I am over the dating sites, such a let down.  

 I need to get motivation to do what I need to for myself.  Why am I struggling this time ?  I have always picked myself up and went on.  Maybe God is telling me again, be patient.  I want to be.  

I'm sorry this post hasn't been very inspirational.  I think I need a vacation. 
Someplace warm, on a beach.  Maybe I can wait for summer, and get to Lake Michigan more.  I'm not unhappy.  I am grateful for more work, my kids and grandkids, the friends I have who make an effort for us to spend time together.  My health isn't bad, could be better, but I'm doing ok.  

Somedays I feel I just want the friendship of a man, who has common interests, and enjoys life.  I don't feel I'm asking for too much. I will stay positive, and push myself to get out of this funk I've been in.  It's a process and I'll get there.  

Spring is here, the sun is shining more.  I always feel better when the weather is warmer.  I hope you enjoy what and who is in your life.  Appreciate what you have.  Take advantage of the time God gives us.  

Thank you for reading. Hope you have a great day!