Looking for Love in all the wrong places

     Its been months since I wrote..... Life does that sometimes, you get busy.... And the thoughts are there but you don't

Take time to write anything down.     Ive learned yes even more in the last few months.   The few men I have talked to, spent any energy on  be it text,chat, phone or in person.

Wow it amazes me at the men out there.  The online dating can be crazy.   I was stood up by someone that pursued me for a couple months.  Made a plan to meet... And he never showed... I cant believe he even tried to talk to me again online again but never responded asking why he didnt show..... Guess what asshole... Forgive my bad language.... Block delete whatever!  

You know truth be known I wasn't  feeling it with him, but because he REALLY wanted to meet I went along with it..... Like my Grandma  always listen to your gut.... I was so angry with myself that I got ready and even wasted my  date perfume..... Nothing was going to come of meeting him I knew that.... He was younger than what I was looking for, and had already postponed a date....  There comes a time when you have to stop and realize your worth.   Talk to yourself.   Stop being manipulated by others.    You would think I've learned this!    So why do we allow it?  

Because most of us are looking for love.... We don't know if the next message we get from someone might be the ONE... Do we chance it?

I don't know about you but I'm tired of online dating... So sick of the time wasted on yet another loser that drinks too much,  has emotional issues,  that can't move on with life after a crappy divorce or bad relationship.   So many damaged souls, and we are all looking for the same thing.....LOVE.....  Real love is so hard to find!    I can honestly say I've said I love you to many men.  But how many of them have I been truly in love with?   I know I was crazy in love with my oldest sons father but that was young puppy love.  As   grew up it went away.  I know I was very much in love with my first husband.   But he ruined that.... Id like to think I was in love with my second husband.... I must of been... I married him, right..... Not sure I was that much in love there.....I met a man before I married him that I did fall in love with.  Who wanted to marry me....and I broke his heart and married the other guy because there was a feeling like I needed to return to him.... I shouldn't of went to Vegas and married him.... I know that now.... Sometime I wish there was someone else telling me what to do..... I probably would be very happy with the other man and had a good life..... Except he was a vegetarian and I need meat....lol....

This brings me to think very hard about finding love....
Not sure its going to happen again.... Still have to be hopeful though. 
I have a couple of men that I am somewhat seeing and maybe there is that possibility of being more.....and as I sit in a hotel room by myself on a trip, by myself I realize I still have intense feelings for yet another man....is this the reason I am not finding the right guy???  I have had these feelings for 16 years.... The connection was just there.... From just seeing each other.... Thing is I left my marriage, and he didn't.... Not until now.   We've not been in contact for awhile and I didn't realize how bad things finally got.  I had prayed that we could reconnect.   I spent time with him and came to my old hometown to see where he's really at... Better in person than on the phone.   Of course hes a mess... And said he thought I came here to rescue him.   No... Just to listen.   I can give support, and let him know how much I care.  Which I did.  I told him he's going to be alright.  I'm his friend and that first before anything else. 

I'm going to continue on with my life, will spend time with other men that I am currently seeing, and forgot about any others.    Yes, I still have  love for a man that I'm not sure I will ever be with.  It sucks.  But for some reason the universe has brought us together again.  I m not going to focus on it.  I have to do whats right for myself.  I know how he feels about me.  We still have that heart connection.  

I'm getting to old for the games of dating..... I'm still looking for love however just going to do it on my terms....

I need to enjoy my day.... I pray the same for you.  Again, be true to yourself.  Stop excepting less.   We are not made to be alone and I believe if you really are ready to be a couple, the right person will come along.   I am looking for my last love the one to grow old with.  Asking God to let that happen.