Where is HE????

I haven't been blogging for a while.... I have had so much in my brain that I really wanted to just sit and write.... however life happens, and it's busy.... a lot has happened lately, Holidays came and went.... I actually spent New Years eve alone...the men that asked me out, I didn't want....

 I became a Grandma again over a week ago on Jan 4, 2019... Shawn and Susie blessed me with another little grandson, Levi.  He is the sweetest little guy.... they all start out like that though.... and then they grow up!  Some marry or get involved with  the wrong girl for them.  Some stay for years being miserable, as my friend up north has done. Many years  of counseling, meds, numerous arguments, and belittling...  guilt trips.... like I said miserable way to live.  I can't believe the stories I continue to hear from numerous men that I talk to.  About their women, she wouldn't work, she wouldn't clean, or cook.... and intimacy... for some of them it didn't exist.  Men want and need sex.... they think about it most all the time.  I do not know when the thoughts  begin or end.... I just know it's high on their priority list.  Women we seem to change regarding this, especially after menopause.  We seem to go without it more, and are fine.... not always though, lol.... but we don't make it our top priority.  We are always doing something, and sometimes if you are younger, married/relationship, have kids, and sports, housework, a job, etc. etc.... it can seem like a task, and you can be exhausted and by the time you go to bed that's all you want to do, is go to bed!  To sleep!  But men, nope... they want it.... one time I heard of a guy that said "she better give it to me, when I want it, or I will go find it elsewhere" Wow, really... I would have no problem kicking his ass out the door and changing the locks!  Women need RESPECT most of all.  Show compassion really listen to us when we are talking.... try to understand what's going on in our heads.... and Date Night.... no matter if you are married, live together whatever.... and of course those that are just dating, but suddenly it becomes just sitting on the couch with you, and not the nice date you deserve.  Most men have no idea just how much we do for everyone.  Even though I am a single woman, and really don't have anyone else to take care of besides animals in my house, I do take care of others all the time.  Family, friends, neighbors, my patients.... some days it can take all of your energy.  Every women needs to be treated well.  Dated, with a nice meal, at a nice restaurant, maybe flowers, or any small gifts.... share quality conversation away from the busyness of the world.  A few hours to totally connect with each other and if you as a man are lucky, Sex might be part of that date.  But never assume.  I had a great date this past weekend, and another not so great date. The great date was a wonderful meal at my favorite restaurant.  Money was no object with this handsome Italian man I met online.  The conversation flowed freely.  We have a lot in common, and both believe that God has helped us through difficult situations in life. He had some tragedy in the last year, and I am thankful that he seems to be handling it better than a lot of people would.  Made me think of some of the other men I have dated that whined about everything.... life is short, and he really KNOWS that, and wants to really live and enjoy his life.  He's a little younger (because I always prefer men younger) I am not going into any details it's not necessary.  I just know I am impressed by him.  He made me feel comfortable, was a gentleman the entire time.  And at the end of our date he asked for a kiss.  Which I was wondering, as I wanted to kiss him while we were in the restaurant, so yes, I was attracted to him, very much so.  The kiss was amazing.... you can tell a lot by the first kiss.  The first date, the kiss, all of it is very important.  Here was another man that had been married and the intimacy had left.  This I know, the next man that I stay with in a relationship, there needs to be those kisses, those hugs, and sweet names, like honey, sweetheart, babe.... whatever, it needs to be endearing.  Not the guys that call me those names before they even meet me, they to me are players and are doing that to other women as well.  So, yes, we are texting, talking, every day and planning to see each other again soon.... Now the other date..... oh boy....  We have been talking for a while, like a month between texts and calls.  The first thing that bothered me before our meeting... aka date.... was that he wanted me to send him pics like every day.  Well I am not 22, and I am not the selfie queen, which I told him... I can see a couple of pictures when you first start talking.  Especially when you meet someone online.  People have used other people's pictures, or pictures that were way old...  but I am not a kid and doing that.  That made me uncomfortable.  I excused that, and continued to talk to him.  He was a bit cocky, which isn't all bad, as long as it isn't too much.  Then he told me he was short... and no this isn't a deal breaker, but I do prefer men to be taller than me.  Which I thought maybe he was.  I am just attracted to men that are usually at least 5 ft 8 or taller.  He also acted like I was just supposed to be talking to him... we met on Tinder, so you know there was a lot of other swiping right I did.... I don't take that site too seriously, it's not really that anyone gives you much information, just pictures, an age, and miles away from you.  Well, he also started telling me I would be going to his football games when the fall came, as he coaches a high school team, and they won the state champs last year... later I would find out he even had a BIG ring to prove it... winning... he said he was crazy about me.  I told him he didn't even know me, yet... give it time.  This was all before we actually had a physical meeting.  So.... the meeting/date.  He said someplace simple... rather than picking a nice restaurant I picked a brewery that had food.  The location was closer to me, and he said he would even come to my town which I thought no, we can meet elsewhere.  Bottom line, I walked in that ale house and I really wasn't that attracted.  We had good conversation, but I just didn't feel it.... a couple of drinks didn't even change that.... and then he got closer to me, and very touchy in this place.  Kissing on me, pulling me into him, trying to touch all over.... and place my hands in a place that I would never do until I really knew someone and really liked them.  So, this date wasn't good.  He knew he was making me uncomfortable, as he said this.  I did tell him, yes, chill out, we are in public.  I am not a prude in any way for public displays of affection.  I like the little kiss, and hand holding, but THIS was way too much.  He was a lousy kisser... too...like I said first dates and kisses make a lot of how anything will go from then on.  I just felt NO, this was not my guy.  I drove home and texted one of my best friends about how disappointed I was.  And the height thing, yes, I was uncomfortable with that too... do I want to wear flat shoes all the time... ah NO....
I almost didn't feel like going to my other date on Sat (which was the good date) because I felt so let down, yet again.

I have no idea where the new Italian man will fit in my life.  He might not.  He has some situations to take care of in his own life.  But I guess for now, I will chat with him, and get to know him more, and see what happens.

I haven't completely given up on that man that still has a piece of my heart.  But I can not sit and wait around for him.  Lately I have had men coming at me like crazy... old boyfriends, or men I dated briefly,  they seem to want to connect again...  I've went out a few times with a man that I was with for almost a year, but never really fell for him.  He's a nice guy, and I like his company, and him mine.  We do share some common interests.  I am just not returning to the scene of the crime, by sleeping with him.  He's not the one.  I don't know where he is or who is.  I just feel I am finally ready to meet someone.  I am picky in my old age.  Many chase, very few catch now.
I want someone to share life and all it's got to offer.  I just don't know how much longer I can stand these dating sites, which I've told you... I Hate.... so many fakes out there.  I just want a nice guy...

Saw this....on Instagram..... In the End, we all just want someone who chooses us..... Over everyone else, under ANY circumstances.... How true!  Why is it so difficult these days to find the soul mate that they say everyone has.  I realize I have walked away from some good men, one I KNOW I should of stayed with.  Some days I feel like just taking another break from dating.  I might again. But then I am starting to feel a little alone some times.  It is OK to be alone, and we all need to spend time without being in a relationship, and get to know who we truly are and want.  I think I have done this, and I feel more ready to share life with someone again.... so, God.... if you hear me, please send me the RIGHT guy and steer me in the right direction.  I'm trying to be patient....

So wish me luck !  And I wish you the same.... take care of yourself first.... make yourself happy... and keep smiling, and hopeful..... until next time.....  : )