It's Been a LONG Winter

                                     THE WAITING GAME....  

Getting through a heartbreak is difficult, it takes time to heal. I think sometimes for men it is different than women we are more emotional and relationships seem to affect us much more.  

       Most of us, as women don't run off and have sex right away.... so that saying of How to get over a man, is to get under another one.... doesn't always work.  Maybe in my younger years I am guilty of that, but as I get older, not so much... actually not at all.  

      Heartbreak is a pain, a different kind of pain, that you might not see.  I really didn't think I felt heartbroken when I broke it off with my ex fiance, not right away anyway.  There had been so many red flags in the prior 6 months, or more before I walked out the door, that I realized I ignored even more.  

     He had made this rude comment to me regarding my age (which no man should ever do) like he was the best I was ever going to get because I was now over 60.  I remember thinking to myself WOW... Really ?  When all the plans that we had discussed and I thought were making started to be changed by him, I started to distance myself and take a step back.  I had to look at my own life, and what I wanted. 

I wasn't necessarily unhappy being by myself.  I have a pretty full circle of friends, family, work, etc.  And ME time, however I knew I wanted more.  Yes, because I am now older, I didn't want to be alone anymore.  

     So I came to the conclusion that I was settling again, which wasn't fair to me, or him.  I looked at my future of being with this man, while that pretty engagement ring was on my finger and thought can I really do this.  Am I willing to live where he wants me to, work where he wants me to, meet new friends, not see my family as much, but of course I should absorb my entire being into him, and his family.  

I couldn't and I knew that long before that day in November when I told him, I was so tired of him letting me down, and I walked out.  A feeling of relief came over me when I drove away from that neighborhood.  

     As I said I didn't really feel heartbreak.  Instead, I felt anger, resentment, and disappointment.  I will admit I felt a twinge of heartbreak when Christmas came.  I felt very alone, and I sat looking at my tree with candles burning that night, sipping on a glass of wine.  I had spent that day that Christmas eve with some of my kids and grandkids, of course where I wanted to be, but I didn't want to be there alone.  

It hit me, I again was SINGLE, Ugh.... I realized he really wasn't that man I wanted at all.  I wanted a good solid Christian man that I could share anything with.  I wanted to have good conversations that meant something, and laugh over silly things.  I wanted to feel like a teenager again.  I wanted to go on spontaneous adventures, and have it be the best time ever.  

     With that being said, a new man has entered my life, we are on our own adventure and are taking it slow due to the fact we've both had heartbreak in the recent past.  We are allowing each other to be our own perfect self and the time we do get together is quality.  No demands on each other, respect and getting to know each other.  This my friends... is called DATING!  

     For the man I am seeing now for the past month, we had discussed taking it slow, he told me of his situations, and I told him mine.  He told me he wanted to get to know me, and I him.  

     After a long day up north (my happy place!) and canoeing, dinner.... and a fun ride in a Camaro... I thought maybe he would ask me to stay the night with him.  He was a bit apprehensive, and thinking about you, I was as well.  We did agree to go slow, and sleeping together.... I don't think we are there yet.  

     So as he held me in his arms he told me he always enjoyed our time together,  and he thinks that we can be great in the future, as a couple.  I feel the same, and after kissing him a few more times, I told him, I believe that as well, I want that, and I am heading home.  

Of course he always wants me to check in after I make the half hour trip, which I did with a call rather than a text.  I was home safe, and again thanked him for the awesome day we shared.  

     Am I sad that we did not take that step of sleeping together?  No, not at all.  I don't want to rush and have that instant relationship.  He has said that he feels God brought us together, and I am starting to believe the same.  At this age in life if we do want to be partners for the long haul, I think this is best.  

When the time is right it will I believe it won't be just sex, it will be more because I will be sharing myself with someone I believe to be my friend first, who truly cares, and respects me and eventually loves me.  

     So for know I will wait.  

Here is my advice when you end a relationship.... before  getting involved again, give yourself the time you need to heal from what you've experienced in the past.  Let it all go, the bitterness, anger, resentment, and yes, the hurt that person caused you.  Forgive them.  It doesn't have to be said to them, but you do need to do it to allow yourself to be in a better place where your heart can be open again to a new experience that just might turn out to be amazing!  And Wait..... don't force anything before you are ready.  I am looking forward to more dates, no matter what we do.... yesterday, I was riding in a Camaro, going a little fast, listening to good music, with a cute boy, and I felt like a teenager again!  What more could you really want......