What Is my Plan for the New Year ???

SOUL CONNECTION 

Wow, it's been forever since I wrote.... and ALOT has happened since April, when I thought yet again I found Mr. Wonderful.  Before I get into all that, here is a brief update.  In May, that man had heart ablation surgery, which I was there for him for days.  We did take a canoe/camping trip up north Memorial day weekend.  He seemed to talk of his ex way too much, to the point I called him out on it.  I think he does it and forgets who he is talking to.  Sometimes I think he just wants me around to hear him talk..... I did the usual in May, plant some flowers, look forward to the warmer weather, hoping for a great summer.  Field day with my grandkids, proud of both of them, they did so well.  Did my usual, care for a patient, clean houses... I have more clients now, so yes, I'm busy.  Gas prices are crazy that month, up to $4.79... this is what happens when you have fraud in an election.  Grrr.... June, had a catering to do for a friend's family.  Put a chunk of the money aside for car repairs.  Actually had my neighbor working on my car the day of the catering.  I keep track of everything.  Have a steno pad by my computer, write things down daily.  I'd like to say I remember everything, but that would be a lie.... this getting old thing sucks!  

I'm still trying to have a relationship with the man, mostly weekends, I see him.  I try to keep my Friday nights for myself, or with my grandkids, or friends, or family.  

So here is where my big long story starts..... Mon, June 13.... not a Friday the 13th, but a Monday.  check engine light on.... Auto Zone says I need new spark plugs.  

This is also the time my daughter has an MRI, after dealing with doctors for like 2 years, for severe pain in her thigh that goes down her leg.  I told her to demand the right tests.  No more x rays that aren't showing anything, therapy, pills, etc.  So she finally gets another Doctor to order the MRI.  She finds out later that it is a tumor in her leg.  She's very upset and so am I but trying to not let on to her.  I don't want her to worry.  She's had a rough year or so already, I don't need to add to it.  

Fathers Day comes, I had sent cards to my 2 sons who are dads.  Think I even bought them gifts.  So much of my life after June is upsetting.  My neighbor didn't change the spark plugs like I asked him to, when I left my car that weekend.  

I spoiled the man, you know Mr. Wonderful with gifts, dinner, a coconut cream pie.  He did take me out for Mother's day breakfast and helped in my yard, my son Shawn took me with his family for dinner.  So.... another mechanic put new spark plugs in.... and convinced me I needed to do a timing chain, and water pump for my car due to the miles on it.  I did google it, and asked a couple other people who knew cars too, and yes, probably should do it.  I'm trying to make my car last longer, as the prices of cars are way overpriced right then, just like everything else since the fake president is there.... it's depressing.  I am just trying to do the best I can, working, paying my bills, and surviving.  I ordered parts and that mechanic didn't like that I got them at Rock auto.... so I returned them, and bought parts at Auto zone.  

July 4 weekend was good.  Time with the man.... for actually a couple of days.  Went to an air show out of town, rode bikes on the trail.  Little did I know that would be the only time I was to ride my bike on the trail..... because it goes downhill after that.... with the exception of my sister coming to visit.  

I got the man's Jeep on July 7, as he needed me to take him to the airport, and he insisted on  me using the Jeep. ( He offered it, as he knew I was taking my car to get repair work.)  He goes to Florida, here and there.... 

I did make a trip with my daughter and granddaughter July 9, to lake Michigan, St Joseph, my favorite well one of them anyway areas.  We had a good sunny warm day, dinner after.  The next day I got the guest room-the purple room we call it ready for my sister to visit.  

July 13, my sister is due to arrive.  I decide to take my car to the other mechanic, Tony.... my friend Fran meets me to give me a ride home.  I have the Jeep to use for a few weeks-that's all I thought I would need.  The mechanic told me he had a roof to do on one of his rental houses, so it would be a couple of weeks before getting into my car.  So, begins the nightmare..... 

Thank God my sister arrived later that night.  It was so good to have her with me for the time she was here.  We made a trip to St Joes, was in a tornado, and had a great beach day the next day.... We spent the next almost 2 weeks just enjoying time together.  She did meet the man, we went to his farm on a Sunday afternoon, which I thought would be a couple of hours visit.  He talked so much it turned into four.... it was then I really started to notice some things about him, that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.  

I wasn't concerned about my car the 2 weeks my sister was here.  I used the Jeep for work, and we used her car for anything else.  The man was always concerned about miles on the Jeep, and didn't want me to use for anything except what I really needed to do.  Thus, like I said begins my nightmare.... I'll speed this up, while I still feel I can type, without getting totally angry all over again.  Today was not a good morning, with the man, regarding the Jeep.  

As of August, the mechanic Tony had not had time to get to my car.  He had experienced problems with the roof repair, bad weather, more issues... you name it he had it. Well the few weeks were up, and the man wanted to know when he was getting his Jeep back.  I tried to explain, and some days he said he understood, but did he really?  I believe Tony was being truthful.  So, I went by there as a couple more weeks went by, and my car was still sitting.  So I called and left message, if he can't fix it I need to take it elsewhere.  I had been given some other mechanics by friends.  He left me a message, and said Oh no he would take care of it soon.  Please just give him a little more time.  Well, I tried to be patient.... while I was getting questioned every few days by the man that wanted his Jeep back.... as you can see I am not calling him by guy, or boyfriend, because as of today, I don't know if I still want him in my life.  It's not been a good few months.  

Later in August, Tony fell and injured himself.  Worse than he thought.  He wasn't being able to work on my car very quickly, but had it apart to repair.  The man didn't like that, but said to me, well I guess there's not much you can do right now.  I agreed.  I had really hoped to have it soon.... Well I'll speed this story up... now into September... still not done.  More disappointing texts, calls, visits with the man, and he's telling me the guy is jerking me around.  I'm so frustrated, and stressed out... because my daughter is also having surgery.... I'm trying to not worry and give it to God... and praise God she comes out of the surgery, ok, and no cancer.  I am relieved.  The summer has past, I have not done any of my normal activities... not went to the bike path, not picked up my grandkids, maybe just a couple of times, not went any where out of town, not met friends at the winery for music and wine...  except to go to his place a couple of times.  The gas alone in the Jeep is killing me, it also has mechanical issues, burns oil, anti freeze is leaking somewhere..... I had to call into work for my patient one day because I was afraid I didn't have enough anti freeze, as it is a more expensive special kind... had to make it into town to get some.  I was always so afraid something was going to happen to it, so I have been very careful.  So, a bit of depression set in, not having my own car.  Not having my life.  

This is why I couldn't even blog until now.  I was so upset everyday.  It's taken a toll on my health.  I have high blood pressure, and stomach issues.  If it wasn't for some of my family and friends who have tried to be positive, I'd be worse off.  

The man seemed to be more concerned about the Jeep, than about me.  Some weekends I didn't want to see him, because I just couldn't deal with him.  Today is one of those days.  

So, early October my daughter flew my son Travis home for a visit.  It was a low key trip, we didn't really let people know.  We both just needed time with him.  So he was here for a month, and it was a very good month.... we went up north, and over the bridge to Paradise.  We went to the falls.  (above picture is the path at the falls) Stayed a couple of days, just Dani, Brae, Travis and I.  A much needed relax break for all of us, except for all the driving, which Dani did.... Quality time together.  I didn't think about the car situation, because I had been told I'd have it within a week.  Well I was told that a few weeks.  I was getting to the point where I wanted to take it somewhere else.  I couldn't deal with the man on my case every few days about the miles I was putting on the Jeep, and he needed it to drive himself.  Even though he has a total of 4 vehicles.  I have done a lot of thinking on this.... I am tired of being worried, stressed, unhappy.  I actually had my car back about 5 days.... On Oct 31, I took the day off to go to my chiropractor as I was having constant headaches, and felt my neck and spine out of place.  I've had the same chiro over 36 years, he knows me well.  He said yes, I was out of place, but also part of it was stress in my body, what was going on.... 

Well, alot... my oldest son had a mini stroke Oct 10, which he didn't tell about until his birthday Oct 27.  He also had a couple of seizures.  I feel part of it could be the jab, it's causing disabilities and death... I've been in a state of worry ever since talking to him on his birthday.  My daughter has some things going on in life, I am trying to not worry about, my son Shawn has things going on, Travis seems to be doing ok.  As a mom you worry about your kids all the time.  I feel I wouldn't be as upset if I had this car situation taken care of.  As of last week, Nov 3, my car was towed back to Tony the mechanic, after Auto zone said it was another part, and my son Shawn tried to repair it, it wouldn't start.  So now Tony thinks its a defective part that he put on, with the timing chain, from a kit I got.... So, today I drove over there, and he is trying to fix it.  He's still got issues from the injury.  I had never had a problem with this guy working on my car before.  He's had bad luck, which has caused me the same.  

This morning I got a call from the man, demanding his Jeep back today.  He told me he would of offered to take it elsewhere a while ago and pay for it..... WHEN DID HE EVER DO THAT....     oh, that's right He DIDN'T!  He never ever mentioned this until today.... he tried to use the excuse, well I was telling him this guy was working on it.... which he was.  My son Shawn, and Travis, as well as my sister, and friends had said this to me.... early on.... Why isn't he helping you???  Yelling at me on the phone early this morning... not caring that I had a car to drive to work or anything... WOW... I get it, I understand.  Most of this has been out of my control.  The guy had my car for months.... Why didn't he offer in August before Tony started it????  

Why.... I believe this is why.... this man doesn't love me, doesn't care as much as he wants people to think..... he pats himself on the back as Mr. Good guy, so giving, generous..... I have apologized to him, so many times.  Told him I will get his Jeep to him, as soon as I get my car.... basically telling me he needs it today.... I told him I needed to make some calls to see what I can work out.... I am not going to text or talk to him any more today.  Right now, I have such a headache from the stress he put me in, since early this morning, and now it is almost 5 pm.  I am praying that God can help Tony get that car back to me repaired as soon as possible.  

My friend Beth said to me today..... you will see how good a relationship is when you go through a crisis.  Well, I was there for him with his heart condition, at the hospital, 3 different times... he wanted to put me in charge of everything if he passed, because he really has no family responsible enough to deal with his farm, his money, etc..... that was months ago, in May.... he hasn't followed through.  I realized that was a crisis at the time for him, because he was a little afraid of the surgery.  But now he's doing better so he's not got the will done.  And I'm sure after this entire ordeal, we might just be a thing of the past.  Not saying I wanted any of that responsibility....I've learned yet again.... it all seems good in the beginning.... but after the way he was demanding to get his Jeep today, and didn't care what I was going to do, or thorough... he wasn't kind or loving towards me.  He didn't call and understand and try to work this situation out with me.  He didn't offer anything.  I am so disappointed in yet allowing another man in my life, that has let me down.  Don't get me wrong I totally understand he's upset too.... but has he put himself in my place ?  I do not have extra cars to drive, I do not have the bank account that he does.  Did he think before calling me?  Did he care?  I would never treat someone like he has treated me.  

I talked to my friend Beth who I am so thankful for calming me down, and understanding.  My friend Connie texted me, and I went to see her as well.  My daughter called too.... I am so grateful for my family and friends.  They get it.  

I had hoped this man would be better.  I have my pros/cons list going though... and right now, the Cons have way more than the pros....I've realized there really isn't any passion and the chemistry isn't there.  I thought I could do this, now I'm really thinking I can't.  

It's been a year of us seeing each other.  I saw things months ago, but thought things would work out.  Now I can see why other women walked away from him.  

Thank you for letting me vent.... I am praying for many things, for my oldest son to get the answers for his health, for my other kids as well, and my grandkids... Ive not been able to take them much, for my friends who are going through rough times.  For my car to be back as soon as possible, so I can get my life back.... For our country that is in such a mess.... 

I do believe that man isn't a bad person, but he's just not for me as I thought... 

The crisis showed his true colors.... hard to believe, but it is what it is.  

I wish you good health, happiness, and peace..... and hopefully you have a good soul connection with those you care about.  

Debi